As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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