can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
