I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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