EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
