yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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