I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
