the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
