All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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