I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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