11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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