If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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