My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
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