Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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