She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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