I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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