who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
