At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
