I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
