If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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