it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just cut my nipple shaving
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize