I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
