i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
