So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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