we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
