remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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