I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
