Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
