I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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