yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
