I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
