hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
