I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
