My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
