Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Congratulations! We have a period
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