I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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