There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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