we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
