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haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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