Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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