my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
