i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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