I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
