he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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