Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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