cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
