ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
