in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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