I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
