I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
