Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Quick, to the slutcave!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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