He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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