it's not cheating when I paid for it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
